The strangest part of lunch today was when I met Charlene at the top of the stairs. She noted it was a bit late for lunch (joking around) and we talked a bit, then I said I wasn’t even that hungry. I had two slices of bread with cheese on that Nick didn’t want any more, then a mince pie and a cup of tea. I ate it but it felt bad and I wasn’t even hungry. Weird that. Like what is it that compels me to eat just because it’s “lunchtime” ? I feel like lunch is the worst meal of the day. I ate it all but it didn’t make me feel good, it just made me feel bad.

My work is okau work oajay wmy work is going meh. I decided to segment my day today into work times. An hour for this, two hours for that, break, etc. I feel all great when I wake up, but then I just get on with it and can’t be bothered. Hell I can’t even be bothered to write this. I worked for a while but then it all dissolved into the blues. After lunch I was sleepy and listened to Rossini and dozed, then that finished and I dozed some more on my bed. I woke up and my bike wheel was spinning, I wonder how it started? How are humans meant to work after lunch? I mean don’t people generally want to relax after eating for a time? It’s all a bit unnatural. I’m imagining the people who you know, have jobs out there and ride the tube or whatever and wear clothes and stuff. Don’t they want to sleep after lunch? The whole scene is a bit off if you ask me.

It’s getting dark again now, that’s good. Way better than the daytime. I’m in the near gloom now, just put my lava lamp on and Smashing Pumpkins on my CD player. I’d way rather sit and listen to this and mull over things than do my silly work. I think I need to focus on what I am good at, and what I can actually do. I mean I had this cool idea for a design but it involves lots of characters and I’m not too great at drawing them so it just makes me feel bad and demotivated again. My tutor was telling me in the learning team on monday how the ideas I have sometimes don’t make it obvious what the book is about. Fuck that. It makes sense at the time “oh yeah, I guess, alright then” but jesus, if every book cover was a literal interpretation of an overarching theme in a book then we’d be left with no mystery. Maybe I should make some completely abstract book cover that is beautiful and holds no meaning as pure rebellion against the idea that we should make things that need to mean something. God damn I hate that.

Check out these first editions. Wow, you’d not guess one single hint of the plot from these. How about that? Jesus christ I gotta stop being weighed down by people. I gotta do what I wanna do. I’ll make all of my ideas into book covers and have a book of book covers all beautiful and possible just because they’ve been made. They would have meaning and would work just beacuse I’ve gone and made them look all beautiful. Screw designing book covers, I wanna read the books. Kind of an interesting challenge though. I like the idea of designing a book cover. Hey it might go down in history.